By Bob Doyle / Creator of Wealth Beyond Reason
One of the questions I’m asked most often after “how do I attract more money”, is “Can I use the Law of Attraction to attract a specific person?”.
Often someone has met someone in their life and wants to use the law of attraction to make that person fall in love with them, or to some other degree, be attracted to them. Or, there’s been a breakup, and you want to use the law of attraction to get that person back.
Now I want you to hear me out because you may not particularly like where I go with the answer at first, but bear with me so you can get the big picture, and I think you’ll feel much better.
It’s important to realize why you feel drawn to attract a person into your life, or back into your life, and although I’ll deal with both of those situations separately, it’s important to realize that in both cases, what you’re really wanting is the FEELING that you believe you’ll have with that person in your life. Actually, this is true with anything that you want to attract in your life, like money and other stuff – you believe that having these things will give you a particular feeling; love, security, freedom, happiness and so on.
So remember that you’re always putting out SOME kind of vibration, and as a result of that vibration, people will come in and out of your life because they resonate at least at some level with what you’re putting out there. So if even at a subconscious level, you’re putting out some kind of vibration about the kind of person you’d like in your life, the Universe is going to respond completely appropriately.
As a result, many different people come in and out of our experience based on what we’re vibrating. Sometimes, a very special person appears. So special, in fact, that they evoke a very powerful feeling within us. They bring to the surface the feelings associated with the type of relationship we’re looking for, and as a result, we want MORE of that, and we feel that the way to have more of that is to make that person a more significant part of our lives.
But the fact is that sometimes that will happen easily and effortlessly and sometimes it will not. So what makes that difference?
Well, there are many reasons that this person may have brought forth those strong emotions in you, and those reasons may or may not have anything to do with what that person happens to be vibrating. They may remind you of someone, or an idea of someone that triggers your emotional reaction. They may look like them, dress like them, talk like them, or even smell like them. While the smelling thing may seem silly at first, smells are very powerful, and it’s not uncommon for a perfume, cologne, or other aroma to trigger very powerful emotional memories of a prior relationship and you find yourself getting attached to this new person because of all the associations you have with that smell.
I say all this to simply communicate that just because a particular person evokes strong emotion in you, it does not mean that this is THE person for you, or the Universe’s delivery of your ultimate relationship…although it could be. The key is to not attach your happiness to having THIS person be THE person – because this person, like you, has free will – and their own set of desires with regards to finding the perfect mate.
Often it may be that this person is a really close match…but they’re already involved with someone else. So you have to think – if YOU were in a committed happy relationship, would you want someone trying to “Law of Attract” your mate away from you? Of course not. But really the bottom line is this: When you meet someone that you want to be a part of your life, it is because of the feeling that you believe that person will provide. From a strictly law of attraction standpoint, as long as you are clear on what those feelings are, and hold that vibration, the appropriate person will show up. But along the way, you might meet several “close but no cigars”, because while they are a vibrational match on many levels, they’re not an exact vibrational match.
That lack of resonance may show up as really obvious things like, they’re already married or in a relationship. You may enjoy your time together most of the time, but there is just too much fighting…or that the other person decides to move on.
I totally understand that it’s a hard pill to swallow when someone that you so desperately want in your life – that seems to be THE ONE – does not share those feelings, or the circumstances don’t permit the relationship to occur. However if you can see the big picture, you will understand that ultimately, while it may have been close, this is NOT the relationship you want – because isn’t it true that you’d prefer to have a relationship that occurs effortlessly? Without all the hard work? Or that doesn’t put you in a situation where you have to compromise your integrity just to be with that person?
I believe that often you will have relationships that are “close but not quite” to you gain clarity on what you truly DO want in a relationship. For example, someone like that, but that doesn’t drink – or that I don’t argue with so much – or that doesn’t flirt with everybody else, and so on.
You do NOT want to attract a relationship where you’re ultimately going to want someone to change – or be in any way someone who they truly aren’t, just to fit into your picture of your “dream relationship.” You can HAVE the dream relationship, but just like everything else, you have to allow it in, without resistance.
Resistance is a key element in all of this. Our deep-running beliefs about relationships are also often at cause for things going awry.
It may be that you DO attract an ideal partner into your life quite effortlessly, just by being exactly who you are, with your desire to attract the appropriate person sort of running in the background. But when that person shows up in our experience, suddenly all our stuff comes up. We stop being living in our natural state of being, and let all of our fears and doubts take over our vibration. “What if they leave me?” “What if I’m not good looking enough?” “What if they cheat on me like so and so?”
All of these thoughts CHANGE your vibration, and thus WILL affect your life experience. Where you were once in vibrational alignment with this person and thus attracted them, these negative thoughts take you into a different vibrational frequency which will not resonate in the same way with that person as when you were just being you without all the “stuff” at the forefront. As a result, you will find the relationship suddenly difficult, painful, or just plain over. When there is a breakup, it is an indication that you are simply no longer in vibrational resonance with a person. Begging or conniving to get that person back into your life will not bring you back into resonance with that person, and if somehow you force a person back through something like guilt or manipulation, you may have some temporary emotional relief, but it can never last because resonance is not there for a harmonious relationship. It is much better to let that person follow their path, while you redefine or get back on yours.
Now look, I acknowledge that having people move OUT of your life can be hard, and for some, nearly impossible depending on the relationship that exists. Still, should you choose to take a path that significantly changes your vibration, and the other people in your life do not support that change, or simply aren’t a vibrational match, you will always find challenges in maintaining that relationship. Ultimately, it is your choice.
All of this is why, as a general rule, we want to be constantly working on eradicating resistance in our lives. Releasing resistance, though techniques like EFT, the Sedona Method, TAT, or a host of others, needs to be an integral part of your life. Our limiting beliefs about ourselves and our worthiness doesn’t just affect things like money, but also relationships, and anything ELSE we want in our lives. If we have “stuff” about it, it’s going to be hard to attract and hold onto – and this definitely hold true for romantic relationships.
But it’s not always “bad” stuff like negative feelings and beliefs that causes relationships to change. Sometimes it’s just part of our own natural evolution as human beings. Our personal paths sometimes simply change. I see it a lot with people who decide to suddenly play a bigger or at least different game in their life. They commit to being something bigger and better than they’ve ever been and really step into that commitment. As a result their vibration changes and not everyone they’ve attracted into their lives to this point are a vibrational match anymore. But this doesn’t have to be a bad thing. We’ve just been conditioned to interpret this kind of relational evolution as something sad – or that needs to be fixed somehow, when this simply isn’t always the case or appropriate. Sometimes it’s just the RIGHT thing to let certain relationships go if you’re truly committed to what’s best for YOU in the long run.
The most important thing you can do to attract the relationship you truly want is to be who you truly are. You don’t want to adjust who you BE in the world in hopes to attract the right person, because while you may successfully attract someone, they are attracted to who you’re BEING – and if that isn’t who you truly are – then you’ve just sentenced yourself to a life of pretending – OR, the real you WILL come out, and you’ll wonder why the relationship suddenly doesn’t seem to be working.
Also, getting clear on what you truly want your relationship to look and feel like is key – but not to the extent that you attach “success” in this area to a specific person. That is NOT to say that you WON’T attract the person you want in your life of course, but to attach to someone with the feeling that “it must be this person, or I won’t or can’t be happy” is just indicative of resistance that will ultimately backfire on you.
So much of this is about trusting the attraction process and not trying to second-guess Universal intelligence. Whenever you feel you’re trying to force something, that’s an indication that you’re second-guessing the Universe. You see, this can and should be much easier than we make it. I believe that the common saying that “relationships are hard” is just as much of a limiting belief as “money is hard to come by”. It may occur that way for many people, but it’s not a Universal Truth. However if it IS your belief, just know that the Universe will always respond to your vibration and bring you a perfect match for that. If you don’t like how it’s showing up, you have to take responsibility for what you’re putting out there and change it appropriately.
Be who you are, be clear on what you want and don’t want in a relationship, release any limiting or negative beliefs you have about love, relationships, your worthiness to have what you want and so on, and then trust the Divine intelligence of the Universe to bring you the perfect match to your vibration – knowing that many people will flow in and out of your life – each one a gift and an opportunity for learning more about yourself and what you want your life to be.
Bob Doyle is one of the featured experts in the popular movie “The Secret”. He is committed to share his all knowledge and experiences that he couldn’t reveal in the movie. He has been giving seminars, writing books and creating videos to help people to understand the universal power. You can acquire his personal program here: http://tinyurl.com/bobdoylemethod